A potpourri of deep thoughts ...

Deep (and not so deep) thoughts, musings, peeves, observations and what have you as I sit on the edge of my sofa with bated breath, wondering if Khloe Kardashian really is a Kardashian ...

-- I see where different brands of potato chips are noting on their packages that they use sea salt. They say it's better for you than regular salt. Well, if that's the case, I'm skipping apples for more Krunchers! potato chips.

-- I'm all for safety when it comes to packaging, but it defeats the purpose when it takes 10 minutes to remove the cap from a plastic bottle of Diet Pepsi (which happened to me the other day). I ended up having to use a kitchen knife to cut the cotton-pickin' cap off the bottle. Why not just put padlocks on beverage containers?

-- When someone first told me they earned a green belt in Six Sigma, I thought they were talking about martial arts, not a business management strategy. Guess I'd never survive the first cut on "The Apprentice."

--Got to give the Illinois Cremation Society credit. They definitely have a catchy slogan: "Think outside the box."

-- Even though my email address begins with the name Mike, I can't figure out why I keep getting online offers to purchase the Genie Bra.

-- Given the volume of infomercials now on cable TV touting the Genie Bra and Viagra-related products, I'm convinced that our chief domestic problems, such as high unemployment, the $16 trillion debt and high gas prices, could be resolved within weeks if Congress just threw enough Cialis, Viagra and Genie Bras at them.

-- Are there more worthless creatures on planet Earth than Canada geese? Forget the P90X workouts; I'm getting buffed just trying to maneuver around mine fields of geese poo on the blacktop track at a park near my dwelling.

-- The NFL is back, which means I get to listen to grown men frantically calling sports talk radio programs each Sunday morning because they can't decide which players to put into their fantasy football lineups.

-- What's with some younger waiters and waitressess at restaurants these days? Whenever you make a request, the usual response is, "No problem." "Can I get more pickles?" No problem. "Can I get two fives for a 10 dollar bill?" No problem. Sheesh! (Just wondering: Do you think they would level with you if there was, indeed, a problem?)

-- I find it amusing whenever I see guys wearing Size 32 or 34 pants who have pot bellies hanging several inches over their belt buckles.

-- I get tired of hearing about how nearly everything you eat and drink either is bad for you, will saddle you with a catastrophic illness or decrease your life expectency. Here's a point for these health-conscious know-it-alls to ponder: You'll die a helluva lot faster if you don't eat or drink anything.

-- Since it takes, on average, three to four minutes to fill one's tank at the service station, is it really necessary for stations to show videos at gas pumps? Everything from movie reviews to celebrity gossip and weather forecasts. "Hi, and welcome to Shell ... it's good to see you." ... "Thanks for stopping by; come back soon." Can't I just be left alone?

-- I glanced at a story online recently which reported that TV ratings for the World Poker Tour increased 35 percent last year. Here's what I believe explains the spike in viewership: Those who suffer from insomnia have discovered that watching poker late at night cures their ailment in two minutes.

-- I crossed something off my bucket list recently. Ever notice the tape measures near the entrances of most gas stations or Seven-11's? Well, I measured my height, much to the astonishment of the front-counter cashier, who had a bewildered look on his face. (By the way, I'm 5-foot-9 on the nose!)

-- I don't understand why the Cubs brought Theo Epstein in from Boston to be president of baseball operations. All they need is a voice instructor to attend every home game at the world's largest karaoke bar (aka, Wrigley Field) and give the 40,000-or-so vocalists who show up a quick tutorial how to sing in tune during the seventh-inning stretch, or whenever they sing that dopey "Go Cubs Go" tune.

-- Have you caught those TV informercials touting Shark Steam Pocket Mops? Bet you never thought you'd see the day when Jaws would give Spic 'n Span or Pine Sol a run for their money.

All-time bad songs: The readers have their say ...

The Scriptures say, "Ask, and Ye shall receive." Well, a few weeks ago, after submitting my list of Bottom 10 all-time bad songs (see previous post below), I asked you to provide me with a few of yesteryear's unforgettable tunes that make your ears burn and your stomach churn.

And did you ever  ... so much so that we can't list all your picks here. Therefore, I've chosen what I think are the 10 best (ahem, worst) tunes of the bunch that you sent me, along with an Honorable Mention list at the end. I pride myself at being a connoisseur of bad music, yet even I had either forgotten about -- or overlooked -- the following oldies, but baddies.

So pat yourselves on the back, folks. And cover your ears. Here we go with your picks (in no particular order):

(From: Mark) Eres Tu (Mocedades, 1973) -- Mark writes: "Eres Tu is so bad, I remember where I was -- no kidding -- when I first heard this: in the car with my Mom driving our Corvair!!! I almost barfed! I guess I had a flashback." For those of you who are still on the fence as to whether or not English should be the official language in the U.S., listening to this might sway your vote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s3BIX0duKs

(From: Cousin Paul) Billy Don't Be a Hero (Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods, 1974) -- We in the Sandrolini family can sniff out bad music a mile away. My cousin, Paul, reminded me of this anti-war hymn, originally recorded by Paper Lace -- a band that subjected children of the '70s to silly story songs such as "The Night Chicago Died." Hate to give away the ending to this video, but Billy meets a similar fate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0lKmznjgfQ

(From: Jason) Only Wanna Be With You (Hootie and the Blowfish, 1995) -- Ladies, if you're shopping for a fellow, and part of your "must have" list includes "cries when he sees dolphins," then Hootie's your man. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZesRI6HhuXQ
(From: Several of You) I've Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates; You've Got a Brand New Key (Melanie Safka, 1971) -- Sample lyrics: I rode my bicycle past your window last night; I rollerskated to your door at daylight. It almost seems like you're avoiding me; I'm OK alone, but you've got something I need." Stalker laws went into the books shortly after this tune hit the airwaves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p02DgHeGdyI

(From: Jerry) Jerry makes a case for I Am I Said (Neil Diamond, 1971) being a wonderful song, but he puts in a vote for the all-time bad lyric (which happens to be in this song). Jerry writes: "It (I Am I Said) is deep and psychological and mystic and all that until we get to the classic line, 'And no one spoke to me, NOT EVEN THE CHAIR.' I mean, really, come on! Even the chair wouldn't talk to you? The couch, yeah, we know. The end table? Always a snob. But not even the chair? That's just too much to accept." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wYpVy9W29M&feature=related

(From: Author of Choice Words) Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond, 1969) -- Sorry to interrupt our readers' picks for a minute. While on the topic of Neil Diamond -- and with respect to any woman named Caroline; you are sweet! -- why do cover bands feel obligated to play "Sweet Caroline"? If you hear of a band -- any band -- that leaves it off their set list, please let me know. I'll gladly volunteer to be their booking agent. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w-_Vtttrfc

Now, back to the music ...

(From: Jim) What's Up (4 Non Blondes, 1993) -- Jim writes: "I want to kill myself every time I have to hear this which, unfortunately, is frequently." Reincarnation must exist because I'm guessing Jim is not the only one who's taken a dirt nap after listening to this convoluted nonsense. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwCt0YQPn7g

(From: Lisa) What's New, Pussycat (Tom Jones, 1965) -- At least someone agreed with one of my Bottom 10 picks. Lisa writes: "I had never heard the Tom Jones/Pussycat song. I was expecting a cheesy-fun period piece, but TJ's voice could not make up for the painfully repetetive lyric. It improved my humor to see 'The Last Exorcism' trailer prominently displayed under 'suggestions' as I exited the song."

(From: Mary) It's a Heartache (Bonnie Tyler, 1977) -- Mary writes: "That song is like fingernails on chalkboard to me." Once you hear Bonnie's growling voice, I think you'll agree that a comment I found posted below this YouTube video probably sums it up best: "What if she and Rod Stewart had kids?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8VGQTtENSs

(From: Jim) Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney, 1979) -- Jim gets major kudos for mentioning bad Yuletide music. "Merry Christmas Darling" (The Carpenters) and "Last Christmas" (Wham!) are two other tunes guaranteed to ruin the holiday spirit ... and make you reach into your liquor cabinet to mix a stronger glass of eggnog.

(From: Rich) Chewy Chewy (The Ohio Express, 1969) -- The Ohio Express had a thing for associating various stages of digestion with relationships. Another one of their tunes is titled, "Yummy Yummy Yummy " (I've got love in my tummy). It should come as no surprise that the group's record imprint was Buddha Records. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvVSQauwnBM

Honorable mention:

• My Girl Bill (Jim Stafford, 1974) -- From the man who brought us "(I don't like) Spiders and Snakes."
• Cha Cha Slide (DJ Casper, 2000) -- DJ keeps promising a "part three" to the Cha Cha Slide. Thankfully, he's never delivered on that promise.
• Maneater (Hall & Oates, 1982) -- Oh, here she comes ... watch out boy, she'll chew you up. See "Chewy, Chewy."
• Everybody Have Fun Tonight (Wang Chung, 1986) -- Other notable selections in this genre: "Turning Japanese" and "Kung Fu Fighting."
• Sister Christian (Night Ranger, 1984) -- Big brother gives little sister poignant advice on finding Mr. Right. Feel the love.

My list of bottom 10 all-time bad songs

I should do myself a favor and hit the sack late in the evening, but I aimlessly start flipping channels instead. I"ve lost count of how many channels nowadays want to sell you something "for just 50 easy payments of only $29.99."

Since I'm a sucker for nostalgic pop music that reminds me of my youth, I end up zeroing in on whatever 1960s, '70s or '80s music collection Gunthy-Renker happens to be hawking during a given evening.

One night, I burned 15 to 20 minutes of my life listening to Bobby Goldsboro and his lady sidekick promoting a 160-song collection titled, "Pop Hits of the 1960." I waited for Goldsboro -- who at age 69 miraculously has a full head of either Hairline Creations or Just For Men-enhanced jet black hair -- to announce one of my favorite 1960s tunes, "Incense and Peppermints." (I was 8 when this tune hit the airwaves. I never could understand the lyrics, but it had a good groove, nice harmonies ... and timely use of a cowbell. Later, I found out it was the unofficial anthem for those in the '60s who racked up frequent flyer miles on LSD Airlines.)

But he never did. Then I started recalling all the bad tunes (with sappy titles) Goldsboro recorded in the '60s and '70s, such as "See the Funny Little Clown," "Watching Scotty Grow" and "Honey."

I think Bobby and Gunthy-Renker ought to consider an infomercial that promotes my pop set, which I just developed, called "Tarnished Gold." For 5 easy payments of just $19.99, you'll receive a smorgasbord of duds that are guaranteed to make your skin crawl -- 3 cuts each from the '60s, '70s and '80s, along with one tune from the '90s which, I'm sure, you'll recognize ... and despise. AND a bonus selection!

Cover your ears because here's what you get:

Walk Like a Man (Frankie Valli, 1963) -- Walk like a man. Talk like a man. Yo, Frankie: Please sing like a man! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMYZBVbifh8&feature=related

What's New Pussycat (Tom Jones, 1965) -- Legend has it that songwriting legends Burt Bacharach and Hal David never wrote a bad song. I beg to differ. Listener discretion is advised: It's just horrible! Tom, you're better than this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBdSqk78nHw

Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison, 1967) -- I think I detest Brown Eyed Girl -- overplayed each weekend by cover bands across America -- more than Go Cubs Go (see entry below). And that's saying something. If this lands me in the dog house with every lady on the plant, so be it. Sha la la la la la la la la te-da? How about: Sha la la la la la la la la blah blah-blah. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdRRLgewYV0&feature=related

Lovin' You (Minnie Riperton, 1975) -- Remember (if you're over 40) those commercials about the quality of Memorex cassette recording tape being so good that it could record Ella Fitzgerald hitting a high note ... and the recording would shatter glass? Well, meet Minnie, who reportedly had a vocal range of five-and-a-half octaves. Minnie never inked a commercial deal with Memorex, so she shattered eardrums instead. http://vodpod.com/watch/1363372-loving-you-minnie-riperton

Muskrat Love (Captain and Tennille, 1976) -- 1976 was the year of our nation's bicentennial, yet the best we could do musically is a ditty about two rodents getting frisky. Sample lyrics: Now he's tickling her fancy, rubbing her toes. Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes ... How Muskrat Suzie and Muskrat Sam managed to jitterbug their way to No. 4 on the Billboard charts, I'll never know. http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=8597

Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (Gordon Lightfoot, 1976) -- This was Canada's bicentennial gift to the U.S. (Gordy is from Ontario). Lake Michigan simply doesn't measure up to the big lake they call Gitche Gumee. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0DqPSF2fyo&feature=related

Puttin on the Ritz (Taco, 1981) -- The 1980s had its share of gender-benders -- Boy George, George Michael and Annie Lennox, among others. Add Taco -- aka, Taco Ockerse, a Dutch singer and entertainer -- to the list. Maybe it was his makeup job, or the way in which he dragged out the word Ritzzzzzzzzzzzz (kind of creepy). Whatever the case, Taco turned this Irving Berlin classic into Taco Hell. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1WryA_24JA

Go Cubs Go (Steve Goodman, 1984) -- I blame my continuous disdain for Chicago's National League ballclub directly on this dopey tune. Personally, I find "Go Blame It On Steve Bartman" much more soothing to the ear (click on video). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBHxkyY6m2k&feature=related

Never Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley, 1987) -- Unless he's pulling a Milli Vanilli, Rick Astley has a powerful alpha male voice. But then you see him on this video -- a prototype Joe Weider 98-pound weakling crooning about wanting to tell his woman how he's feeling and -- gulp -- wanting a full commitment in a relationship. A man sharing his feelings? Thinking of a full commitment? Stop yourself, Rick! Hate to break the news to you, pal, but your man card has been revoked -- for life! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

My Heart Will Go On (Celine Dion, 1997) -- Fortunately, my heart has gone on because Celine has been quaranteened in Las Vegas since 2003 doing night shows. Rather than torture you (and me) with a video of the theme from Titanic, here's a clip from "The Celine Dion Show," a 1998 Saturday Night Live spoof (Celine is played by Ana Gasteyer).  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPwLSl_IWSI&feature=related

Now for our bonus tune:

Ballerina Girl (Lionel Richie, 1986) -- I prefer the Elmer Fudd version: Balla-weena girl ... you are so wove-wee. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1w9lr_lionel-richie-ballerina-girl_music

What are some of the tunes that make your ears burn and/or stomach churn? Please list a couple of your "favorites" in the comments section below, and we'll put them into a future blog.

Sen. Durbin wants a Carp Czar? Appoint me!

A few weeks ago, the senior U.S. senator from my home state of Illinois, Richard Durbin -- nice fellow, but we're polar opposites politically -- urged President Barack Obama to appoint a "Carp Czar," who would oversee efforts to keep Asian carp out of the Great Lakes.

Even though the prospect of Asian carp getting into Lake Michigan is a serious matter because they could destroy the lake's ecosystem -- they embrace Taco Bell's fourth meal plan, and it's not unusual for them to tip the scales anywhere between 40 to 100 pounds -- I couldn't help but ponder cynical thoughts after hearing Durbin's proposal.

"Must be a slow news day."
"Just what the czar-happy Obama Administration needs: another czar."
"Since carp are bottom-feeders -- like most politicians -- it shouldn't be too difficult to appoint a Carp Czar directly from Capitol Hill. Since Durbin made the proposal, Obama should give him first crack at it. What do you think, Senator? ... "

Then it hit me: Durbin already is gainfully employed (though I hope he'll be filing for unemployment benefits after the 2016 elections should he seek to run for another term). And I'm looking for a new career opportunity (see my Linkedin profile).

So look no further, Mr. President. I'm your man!

What qualifies me to serve in this prestgious post? Well, nothing really, although I grew up along the Illinois River -- Peru, LaSalle, Ottawa, Spring Valley -- where I'm sure the number of Asian carp currently flopping around in the river outnumbers the entire area population.

I thought I saw a couple of them jump out of the water once while cruising the Illinois River as a passenger on my sister and brother-in-law's recreational boat. And long before Asian carp invaded the river, I remember hooking a common carp or two (Cyprinus carpio) as a tot while fishing with my Dad.

However, I do have practical experience working at the federal level. I knocked on doors for the U.S. Census this past spring. And believe me, it's much more difficult to catch people at home who blew off filling out their Census questionnaire than it is to catch Asian carp, which practically jump into your boat.

Come to think of it, why do I need to beef up my resume in order to be appointed Carp Czar? There are over 40 czars in the Obama Administration already -- everything from a Weapons of Mass Destruction Czar to an Economic Czar (and Economic Czar No. 2), to a Food Czar ... which also would be a good fit for me. I'd make the McDouble mandatory in every school lunch program.

How many of these czars have done anything noteworthy or newsworthy?

My guess is that a Carp Czar would largely be a ceremonial position. I'd be happy to go through the motions and cash my check every Friday.

But just to make it look like I'm actually doing something, I'll hold meetings twice a month. Each meeting will be open to the general public. Those who attend are urged to bring their laptops because there's plenty of YouTube footage on Asian carp we can watch -- like this video, which shows kids going tubing on the Illinois River ... all the while trying to avoid getting clocked by spooked Asian carp: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjHGwKHICsQ&feature=related

(However, viewer discretion is advised. It's best to turn the audio down. Way down. Otherwise, you run the risk of getting your ear drums blown out by some  annoying woman who's laughing and screaming hysterically throughout most of the video.)

In addition to bi-monthly meetings, we could go to Starved Rock State Park on  weekend fact-finding missions. The Illinois River runs along Starved Rock. Who knows? We may spot a few Asian carp jumping out of the water. After completing our civic duty, we can hit the buffet at the Starved Rock Lodge (they have a nice spread), then do a little swimming or hiking ... all on Uncle Sam's dime!

When do I start, Sen. Durbin?

LeBron James and "real-life stuff"

I swore I wasn't going to tune into ESPN to witness the most overhyped TV charade since Geraldo Rivera peeked into Al Capone's safe nearly 30 years ago and discovered it was empty (save for a few pockets of dust).

But with t-minus 2 minutes and counting until the clock struck 8:00 (CST) and LeBron James preparing to reveal to the world (finally) where he'll be ballin' the next few years, I succumbed to the hype and clicked my remote control.

Good evening, and welcome to The Decision -- not to be confused with Decision 2010, which will air later this year; or The Apprentice, or The Bachelor (or The Bachelorette). That's exactly how it was listed on my cable TV listings: The Decision.

Of course, ESPN played the drama queen card, and dragged King James' announcement out another 15 minutes as a roundtable of talking heads weighed in with their prognostications. Would King James, a native of Akron, Ohio, resist the overtures of big-market teams in New York, New Jersey, Los Angeles, Miami -- and my Chicago Bulls -- and return to reign over the Cleveland Cavaliers -- the club with whom he spent the past seven seasons?

Stay tuned. But first, these messages ...

Welcome back. Finally, the camera zooms in on King James, sitting across from sportscaster Jim Gray (whom he handpicked for this spectacle, along with ESPN) at the Boys & Girls Club's national headquarters in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Gray lobbed King James a few prefunctory questions, then -- at 22 minutes past the hour -- he posed The Question: So, Your Highness, have you made The Decision?

The King issued his edict: "I'm going to take my talents to South Beach."

A few minutes later, ESPN showed patrons at a Miami bar cheering wildly, then cut to a scene at a Cleveland bar, where understandable shouts of "Nooo!" and looks of dejection and disgust could be seen throughout the establishment.

But the backlash in and around a city snubbed by their former hero and King was just getting started. It didn't take long before video of Cleveland fans setting fire to their LeBron jerseys surfaced. Then Cavaliers majority owner Dan Gilbert posted a blistering open letter on the team's Web site, blasting James for his decision.

In fairness to LeBron, as a free agent, he had the right to sign with whatever team he wanted. Gilbert's rants made him sound more like an adolescent than a business owner while playing on the anger of Cleveland fans. And his vow that the Cavs would win an NBA title before Lebron does was downright silly. (I guess anything is possible, but if the Cavs couldn't win it all with Lebron, how do they think they're going to go about it without him?)

That said, Gilbert summed up what most of us who witnessed all the nonsense were thinking all along: LeBron engaged in several days of "narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his 'decision' unlike anything ever witnessed in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment."

(Speaking of narcisscists, Rev. Jesse Jackson -- never one to miss out on a  photo-op -- got into the fray, saying Gilbert "spoke as an owner of LeBron and not the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers ... his feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality. He sees LeBron as a runaway slave." Leave it to Jesse to come up with a cockamamie theory like this.)

I don't know who in LeBron's inner circle bent his ear to request TV time just to make this announcement (as if James were the president requesting TV time to address the nation on an urgent matter). As one columnist suggested, why didn't LeBron simply post his decision on Twitter and cut a check to the Boys and Girls Club, instead of opting for a nationally televised 3-ring circus which -- unintentional or not -- dissed the city and state which he calls home? It turned out to be a PR disaster for James who, prior to The Decision, was one of the more popular and admired athletes in the country. Not only is his national image tarnished, he may never live this down in northeast Ohio.

If that wasn't enough, James flew to his new digs and engaged in a second consecutive day of public self-immersion with his new superstar teammates, Chris Bosh and Dywane Wade.

Yet as ridiculous as all of the above has been, I found a statement uttered by some pie-in-the-sky co-anchor on ESPN just before The Decision aired to be equally as annoying.

Urging the masses to stay tuned, the co-anchor gushed, "This is real-life stuff."

Puh-leese.

In the real world, "real-life stuff " is wondering how you'll make ends meet, pay the mortgage and put your kid through college when both you and your husband lose your jobs within a matter of a few months. "Real-life stuff" is a distraught father, Bruno, pleading for prayer and advice after finding out his daughter was diagnosed with a Stage 4 brain tumor. (Both stories I've heard about recently.)

What is so "real life" about a professional basketball player worth an estimated $90 million turning down a max contract just so he could be on the same team with two other multi-millionaire basketball players and try to win a sports championship? (Keep in mind each of the Three Kings will end up socking away $100 million over 6 years, anyway.)

It's interesting that The Walt Disney Company owns ESPN. Because nowadays, I can't help but think I'm watching the Disney Channel instead of ESPN.

Which gender likes to play footsie with the dashboard? And why?

It's well-documented that women talk more than men. I've heard most women utter an average of 20,000 words per day, compared to around 7,000 per day used by most men.

I won't dispute these numbers. But I will note that between speaking, writing and thinking -- mind you, I consider thinking as the art of having a conversation with oneself -- I probably hit the 20K mark every day.

We all know there are other notable differences between men and women:

• Most women love cats. Most men say nice things about their wife's or girlfriend's cat in their presence ... then they'll offer a different perspective when they're out with the boys.
• Most men hate watching figure skating and/or "Dancing With the Stars," while most women sit glued to the tube when either show comes on. (I'm one of those sensitive men, however, who tunes in every so often to "The Bachelor" just to watch the catfights ... and to see who he dumps at the end of the program.)
• Putting smiley faces in e-mails is definitely a girl thing. Any man who enjoys putting smiley faces in his e-mails, well, don't be surprised if you see him in boot camp with one of those drill sergeants on Maury Povich.
• Women like to dance. You'll only see me out cutting the rug if the band plays "Walk Like an Egyptian" by The Bangels.
• Men will ask for directions only as a last resort. (Me? Guilty as charged.) Women stop and ask for directons the moment they feel they're lost.
• Most women I know are Cubs fans, and I've figured out why. They're already used to men letting them down time and time again (and they like teddy bears). What's your excuse, fellas?

Men do things that women find either irritating or disgusting, such as not listening, belching at high decible levels, emitting flatulence at inopportune moments (do you really want me to say "passing gas" on a family blog?) ... and leaving the toilet seat up. OK, ladies; you've got us there.

But contrary to popular belief, men are not as clueless as women might think. In fact, I've discovered a trait that's unique to women simply by being observant on the highways and byways. I'd even bet this trait has never been analyzed or discussed on Oprah.

Let's say it's a warm day. A lady happens to be sitting in the passenger seat with either her husband or significant other behind the wheel. She gets comfy, kicks off her shoes and plops her bare feet up on the dashboard.

I have never, ever -- ever -- seen a guy with his bare feet up on the dashboard.

So, if you're a woman who sticks her bare feet up on the dashboard, I'm not picking on you. I'm just curious. In the interest of better understanding between the sexes, please shed some light as to why you do what you do.

It can't be to dry the polish on your toenails. Or to tan your metatarsals through the windshield.

The comments section below is all yours ...

The Most Interesting Man in the World (Part 2: New Lines)

My fascination with Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials continues ...

A little trivia on the actor who plays "The Most Interesting Man in the World" (what other blog provides you with such vital information!): His real name is Jonathan Goldsmith, who'll be 72 in September. His accent in the commercials, by the way, is fake. The accent mimicks that of Fernando Lamas, a friend of Goldsmith's who was an Argentine-born American actor and director (Lamas died several years ago).

According to Wikipedia, Goldsmith has appeared on over 45 TV series, including Dynasty, Eight Is Enough, Hawaii Five-O, Knots Landing, Magnum P.I., The A-Team and Dallas. ("Who Shot J.R.?" had Dallas fans on the edge of their seats in 1980. But since Goldsmith appeared 13 times on Dallas, there's no doubt he was the star of the show, not J.R. So a little revisionist history is in order: It's not "Who Shot J.R." but "Who shot J.G.?")

Here's a video clip of Goldsmith being interviewed at the 2009 World Music Awards by an obviously star-struck young lady (whose line of questioning, I must say, wasn't particularly interesting). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brkx_6wKNhQ&feature=related

Last week, we mentioned that a new batch of Dos Equis commercials has hit the airwaves (both television and radio). Here's video from one of those spots: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zD6jKvqTO8

These ads have spawned a host of fresh lines that build on his already impeccable legacy ...

• Signs that say, "This is not an exit," don't apply to him.
• He likes the word "fog."
• His business card just says, "I'll call you."
• He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest ... on the fourth day, he won."
• If he rides with you in your car, its resale value will instantly increase.
• The contents of his tacos refuse to fall from the shell.
• If you were to see him walking a Chihuahua, it would still look masculine. 
• The Aztec calendar has his birthday chiseled in.
• Dicing onions doesn't make him cry...it only makes him stronger.
• He once went to a psychic ... to warn her.
• He has been the Best Man at weddings for grooms he has never even met.

If you've seen (or heard) the commercials, what are a few of your favorite lines? Please share them in comments (below).