And did you ever ... so much so that we can't list all your picks here. Therefore, I've chosen what I think are the 10 best (ahem, worst) tunes of the bunch that you sent me, along with an Honorable Mention list at the end. I pride myself at being a connoisseur of bad music, yet even I had either forgotten about -- or overlooked -- the following oldies, but baddies.
So pat yourselves on the back, folks. And cover your ears. Here we go with your picks (in no particular order):
(From: Mark) Eres Tu (Mocedades, 1973) -- Mark writes: "Eres Tu is so bad, I remember where I was -- no kidding -- when I first heard this: in the car with my Mom driving our Corvair!!! I almost barfed! I guess I had a flashback." For those of you who are still on the fence as to whether or not English should be the official language in the U.S., listening to this might sway your vote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s3BIX0duKs
(From: Cousin Paul) Billy Don't Be a Hero (Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods, 1974) -- We in the Sandrolini family can sniff out bad music a mile away. My cousin, Paul, reminded me of this anti-war hymn, originally recorded by Paper Lace -- a band that subjected children of the '70s to silly story songs such as "The Night Chicago Died." Hate to give away the ending to this video, but Billy meets a similar fate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0lKmznjgfQ
(From: Jason) Only Wanna Be With You (Hootie and the Blowfish, 1995) -- Ladies, if you're shopping for a fellow, and part of your "must have" list includes "cries when he sees dolphins," then Hootie's your man. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZesRI6HhuXQ
(From: Several of You) I've Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates; You've Got a Brand New Key (Melanie Safka, 1971) -- Sample lyrics: I rode my bicycle past your window last night; I rollerskated to your door at daylight. It almost seems like you're avoiding me; I'm OK alone, but you've got something I need." Stalker laws went into the books shortly after this tune hit the airwaves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p02DgHeGdyI
(From: Jerry) Jerry makes a case for I Am I Said (Neil Diamond, 1971) being a wonderful song, but he puts in a vote for the all-time bad lyric (which happens to be in this song). Jerry writes: "It (I Am I Said) is deep and psychological and mystic and all that until we get to the classic line, 'And no one spoke to me, NOT EVEN THE CHAIR.' I mean, really, come on! Even the chair wouldn't talk to you? The couch, yeah, we know. The end table? Always a snob. But not even the chair? That's just too much to accept." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wYpVy9W29M&feature=related
(From: Author of Choice Words) Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond, 1969) -- Sorry to interrupt our readers' picks for a minute. While on the topic of Neil Diamond -- and with respect to any woman named Caroline; you are sweet! -- why do cover bands feel obligated to play "Sweet Caroline"? If you hear of a band -- any band -- that leaves it off their set list, please let me know. I'll gladly volunteer to be their booking agent. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w-_Vtttrfc
Now, back to the music ...
(From: Jim) What's Up (4 Non Blondes, 1993) -- Jim writes: "I want to kill myself every time I have to hear this which, unfortunately, is frequently." Reincarnation must exist because I'm guessing Jim is not the only one who's taken a dirt nap after listening to this convoluted nonsense. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwCt0YQPn7g
(From: Lisa) What's New, Pussycat (Tom Jones, 1965) -- At least someone agreed with one of my Bottom 10 picks. Lisa writes: "I had never heard the Tom Jones/Pussycat song. I was expecting a cheesy-fun period piece, but TJ's voice could not make up for the painfully repetetive lyric. It improved my humor to see 'The Last Exorcism' trailer prominently displayed under 'suggestions' as I exited the song."
(From: Mary) It's a Heartache (Bonnie Tyler, 1977) -- Mary writes: "That song is like fingernails on chalkboard to me." Once you hear Bonnie's growling voice, I think you'll agree that a comment I found posted below this YouTube video probably sums it up best: "What if she and Rod Stewart had kids?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8VGQTtENSs
(From: Jim) Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney, 1979) -- Jim gets major kudos for mentioning bad Yuletide music. "Merry Christmas Darling" (The Carpenters) and "Last Christmas" (Wham!) are two other tunes guaranteed to ruin the holiday spirit ... and make you reach into your liquor cabinet to mix a stronger glass of eggnog.
(From: Rich) Chewy Chewy (The Ohio Express, 1969) -- The Ohio Express had a thing for associating various stages of digestion with relationships. Another one of their tunes is titled, "Yummy Yummy Yummy " (I've got love in my tummy). It should come as no surprise that the group's record imprint was Buddha Records. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvVSQauwnBM
Honorable mention:
- My Girl Bill (Jim Stafford, 1974) -- From the man who brought us "(I don't like) Spiders and Snakes."
- Cha Cha Slide (DJ Casper, 2000) -- DJ keeps promising a "part three" to the Cha Cha Slide. Thankfully, he's never delivered on that promise.
- Maneater (Hall & Oates, 1982) -- Oh, here she comes ... watch out boy, she'll chew you up. See "Chewy, Chewy."
- Everybody Have Fun Tonight (Wang Chung, 1986) -- Other notable selections in this genre: "Turning Japanese" and "Kung Fu Fighting."
- Sister Christian (Night Ranger, 1984) -- Big brother gives little sister poignant advice on finding Mr. Right. Feel the love.
