Boys (and men) who wear shorts in 15-degree weather, oil ministers, annoying cell phone users, and other Deep Thoughts ...

I'm sure you've heard of the old "Saturday Night Live" skit, "Deep Thoughts." Well, here are a few of mine:

--Whenever I hear the term, "oil minister," I wonder: How does one minister to a barrel of oil?

--Same holds true for a "finance minister." How does one minister to an ounce of gold, or a wad of cash in one's wallet?

--There's an amazing product on the market called, "Your Baby Can Read." Apparently, all Mom and Dad have to do is hold up cards with words, and their little bundle of joy can start reading ... as early as 8 months. I'm convinced it won't be long until someone develops a product where infants start doing calculus problems right out of the womb.

--I consider Scott Brown's election to the U.S. Senate in Massachusetts appropriate payback for Minnesota electing a goof like Al Franken in 2008.

--Can there be a more cheezier commercial on TV than the Touch of Gray spot in which a man who is almost completely gray colors his hair with the aforementioned product, interviews for a job, gets the job ... and then can be seen walking down the hall next to a seductive-looking administrative assistant, who purrs in his ear, "My boss has big plans for you!"?

--And how about those Brinks Home Security commercials? (click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K8DKH7tCRU) The plots are always the same: Menacing-looking potential intruder breaks through the front door. Poor damsal in distress (usually with a child) gets a call from our hero, Matt:
Damsal: "Hello?"
"This is Matt from Brinks Home Security. Are you all right?"
Damsal: "Someone just tried to break in ... the alarm scared them away!"
"I'm sending help right now!"
Puh-leese!

--Things I'll never understand:

• Teen-age boys who walk around with their pants hanging halfway down their rear ends.
• The fascination with text-messaging. Isn't it much easier to punch in a few numbers on one's cell phone and call someone?
• Teen-age boys who wear shorts in 15-degree temperatures as if it's summer time.
• Middle-age men who do the same (are you living vicariously through your kid?).
• Those who continue having a gabfest on their cell phones while getting items scanned in the checkout line. (If I were a cashier, I'd purposely overcharge them since they're not paying attention, anyway.)
• People who leave their cell phones on during a movie, a church service or wherever a speaker is addressing a public gathering -- and then take their sweet time either answering their phone or turning it off . Ever thought about putting your phone on vibrate? I didn't think so. Or here's a news flash: Why not turn off your phone beforehand?

--Assuming Elvis Presley is, indeed, deceased, and has not been sighted, he must be rolling over in his grave, seeing how one of his signature hits, "Viva, Las Vegas," has been co-opted to promote Viagra.

--I saw a 9/11 documentary on the History Channel the other night, and I got to thinking: Whatever happened to Lisa Beamer? Shortly after the September 11 terrorist attacks, she wrote a book about her late husband, Todd, the 9/11 hero ... and poof. We haven't heard a word from her since.

--Whenever I happen to pass a Victoria's Secret outlet in a mall, I find myself wondering, "So, what is Victoria's secret? What is she hiding?" OK, Vickie, 'fess up.

--Why do radio advertisers insist on putting disclaimers at the end of commercials that are uttered so fast thatyoucan'tunderstandwhatthehellthey'resaying?

--Can there really be a market for Hip Hop Weekly magazine? Most hip-hop artists are lucky if they know 75 words in the English language.

--Stacy London and Joy Behar have to be the two most annoying women on television.

--There's a group of five women called "The Smart Cookies," who have become spokespersons for American Express credit cards. According to the American Express Web site, the Smart Cookies "were all secretly drowning in debt until they formed a money group and took control of their fianaces in different and creative ways." Since then, they have become renowned for giving financial advice, and have even written a book, titled "The Smart Cookies Guide to Making More Dough."

"Smart Cookies" my eye. Had each of the "Smart Cookies" exercised a little self-restraint and not gone on endless spending binges, they wouldn't have been drowning in debt in the first place. How's that for sound financial advice? Now you won't have to read their book!

--Is it just me, or do automatic paper towel dispensers, automatic sinks and automatic flushing toilets in public restrooms drive you crazy, too?